I have said " Look around, what do you see that is beautiful? Savor it."
I am proud to say that I practice mindfulness. However, since I lose my glasses perpetually, I haven't perfected it. I am a New Englander; a Massachusetts native. I don't care where I live I can't shed my traits: I move fast, talk fast, and my mind goes like a train about to derail most of the time. I tend to analyze everything. Everyday, I tell myself to STOP and be present. Nevermind the past, or the future. Make plans but be prepared for upsets. I've learned to only use pencil on my calendars and in my address books, never ink.
Last year I lost my mom. Talk about a major change. I was her best friend and she was mine. Actually, she died on September 13th so it hasn't been quite a year that has passed. I cry, and sometimes I feel as if my stomach will turn over when I have some thought about her; which is almost everyday. Of course, my crying occurs because of something I have remembered about the past--but I'm in the present moment. I have decided that what I am feeling in the moment IS staying in the moment. It's important to identify what I am feeling, make friends with the emotion, and accept it. Yet, its important not to dwell. So I practice redirection. I read, create art, clean house, cook, write this blog, and whatever else will take me away from dwelling.
I'll have another major change soon. I've been with my grandson since the day he was born; in fact mine was the first face he ever saw. My son-in-law is deployed and my daughter and I are joined at the hip caring for the baby. Soon, thank God, her husband will return to his wife, my daughter, and his son whom he has only seen and held for about about a month and 1/2 total. It's his turn to be with his son to build the relationship with his son that I have had the pleasure of establishing. However, I don't know what I'm going to do when they leave. I have never in my life, other than in my teen years, focused solely on myself. Getting up and planning a day that's all about me ( manicure, pedicure, wine, lunch, yoga..nah) feels very foreign, I've done that on rare occasion but it would be difficult for me to sustain a life centered solely on my pleasures and needs. I have been a daughter/caregiver, a wife, a mother and now a doting-helper grandma. I don't think I have ever had a week that's totally ME focused. I'm not a gym-goer, a social butterfly, nor one to work on my tan. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit: I'm lost. Those redirections are not totally fulfilling--I give my time to them but they can't appreciate or love me back-- and it just doesn't seem like they'll be enough.
My husband tells me to look forward to visits. Visits, unless very lengthy, really don't build the kind of relationship I'd like with my grandchild. Plus, money is limited; we can't visit all the times we'd like to. I am torn that one daughter whom I adore is in NY and this daughter and grandson will be in CO. I can't even find a territory that's driving distance to see either. This issue has no solution. The only solution --to keep my head intact-- is to practice mindfulness and to direct my thinking to how fortunate I am to have these people to love and to be loved by these people so much.
My plan is to cry when I feel I have to, read, paint, cook, visit and enjoy my great husband, He's funny and smart and very kind and understanding. He knows I love the kids and want to do for them all the time. Life is too short for sure and personally I like to hug and see the smiles, and have coffee and cook a meal to share and just be able to call and meet up somewhere spontaniously--I want to be with all those I love. It bites to deal with division. I know the adage "it is what it is" and like every other situation in life its has no perfect solution; only having the right mind/attitude will help us cope with anything. If we are humans we can be sure we won't have the right mind/attitude 24-7. Note to self: Don't DWELL.
Gloria Gaynor sang " I will survive!" That's true, we all do survive...we cope but I'd like to sing " I will thrive!" I will, at least I am aiming to by leaping joyfully into the moments! I'll open my eyes to what is beautiful and I'll savor it!
I am proud to say that I practice mindfulness. However, since I lose my glasses perpetually, I haven't perfected it. I am a New Englander; a Massachusetts native. I don't care where I live I can't shed my traits: I move fast, talk fast, and my mind goes like a train about to derail most of the time. I tend to analyze everything. Everyday, I tell myself to STOP and be present. Nevermind the past, or the future. Make plans but be prepared for upsets. I've learned to only use pencil on my calendars and in my address books, never ink.
Last year I lost my mom. Talk about a major change. I was her best friend and she was mine. Actually, she died on September 13th so it hasn't been quite a year that has passed. I cry, and sometimes I feel as if my stomach will turn over when I have some thought about her; which is almost everyday. Of course, my crying occurs because of something I have remembered about the past--but I'm in the present moment. I have decided that what I am feeling in the moment IS staying in the moment. It's important to identify what I am feeling, make friends with the emotion, and accept it. Yet, its important not to dwell. So I practice redirection. I read, create art, clean house, cook, write this blog, and whatever else will take me away from dwelling.
I'll have another major change soon. I've been with my grandson since the day he was born; in fact mine was the first face he ever saw. My son-in-law is deployed and my daughter and I are joined at the hip caring for the baby. Soon, thank God, her husband will return to his wife, my daughter, and his son whom he has only seen and held for about about a month and 1/2 total. It's his turn to be with his son to build the relationship with his son that I have had the pleasure of establishing. However, I don't know what I'm going to do when they leave. I have never in my life, other than in my teen years, focused solely on myself. Getting up and planning a day that's all about me ( manicure, pedicure, wine, lunch, yoga..nah) feels very foreign, I've done that on rare occasion but it would be difficult for me to sustain a life centered solely on my pleasures and needs. I have been a daughter/caregiver, a wife, a mother and now a doting-helper grandma. I don't think I have ever had a week that's totally ME focused. I'm not a gym-goer, a social butterfly, nor one to work on my tan. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit: I'm lost. Those redirections are not totally fulfilling--I give my time to them but they can't appreciate or love me back-- and it just doesn't seem like they'll be enough.
My husband tells me to look forward to visits. Visits, unless very lengthy, really don't build the kind of relationship I'd like with my grandchild. Plus, money is limited; we can't visit all the times we'd like to. I am torn that one daughter whom I adore is in NY and this daughter and grandson will be in CO. I can't even find a territory that's driving distance to see either. This issue has no solution. The only solution --to keep my head intact-- is to practice mindfulness and to direct my thinking to how fortunate I am to have these people to love and to be loved by these people so much.
My plan is to cry when I feel I have to, read, paint, cook, visit and enjoy my great husband, He's funny and smart and very kind and understanding. He knows I love the kids and want to do for them all the time. Life is too short for sure and personally I like to hug and see the smiles, and have coffee and cook a meal to share and just be able to call and meet up somewhere spontaniously--I want to be with all those I love. It bites to deal with division. I know the adage "it is what it is" and like every other situation in life its has no perfect solution; only having the right mind/attitude will help us cope with anything. If we are humans we can be sure we won't have the right mind/attitude 24-7. Note to self: Don't DWELL.
Gloria Gaynor sang " I will survive!" That's true, we all do survive...we cope but I'd like to sing " I will thrive!" I will, at least I am aiming to by leaping joyfully into the moments! I'll open my eyes to what is beautiful and I'll savor it!
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I feel your pain. I moved to Colombia, South America in May of last year to be annie! grandma. My daughter and son-in-law (who is Colombiano) had the nerve to bring the baby down here!!! I'm thrilled that I can spend days out of every week with my granddaughter... but...I have a son, also deployed, who will hopefully have children with his wife. What in the world will I do then?!? I'm learning to live toDAY...and like you, to be thankful for what I do have. But some days, I hate that our planet Earth is getting smaller and that I can't have those Sunday dinners I always dreamed of. But we will survive. No. More than that. We will thrive. We are blessed.
ReplyDeleteTransitions are always hard. Remember to breathe. If the family is not already on Skype - sign up and have video chats - even with the wee one. Good luck with this change.
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